he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
