i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
