Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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