420 ftw
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
