i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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