oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
