I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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