if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My feet surprised me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
