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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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