college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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