I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
being pregnant is like rehab
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
