she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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