i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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