I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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