U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
