batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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