By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
