dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
