My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
