Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
