When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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