There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
