I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
