i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
