I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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