And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
being pregnant is like rehab
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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