My room smells like vodka and shame
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
