Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
