I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
