lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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