ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
