I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Congratulations! We have a period
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