Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How's work?
Spinning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
