he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
