I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
