Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
