I feel like I'm in dance class right now
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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