I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
