my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
