Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
