it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
