i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
