Farmville is her only friend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
