is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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