just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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