John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
