When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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