We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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