Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
