what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
